Untitled R&B

Dallas Tillman wrote:Take a look around you(.)
What do you see?
I promise you always
Right here’s where I’ll be(.) <---- Change here's to "here is"
Whenever you’re lonely(,)<---change this to you are
And you need a friend(,)<--- change this to "and when you need a friend"
Take comfort in me(;)
I’ll be here to the end(.)

I see you waiting there
You’re waiting for somebody
You’re sitting all alone
I sense you need anybody
Come on over here
I’ll make your day a little brighter
Come on over here
I’ll make your path a little lighter
Take that work load off your back

Take a look around you
What do you see?
I promise you always
Right here’s where I’ll e
Whenever you’re lonely
And you need a friend
Take comfort in me
I’ll be here to the end

You look at me so sad
You seem to miss that certain something
You cannot live your life
You got no one to live it out with
You won’t be sad no more
I’ll fill that void in your sad life
You won’t complain at all
I’ll give your life a little spice
I’ll make your life complete

Take a look around you
What do you see?
I promise you always
Right here’s where I’ll be
Whenever you’re lonely
And you need a friend
Take comfort in me
I’ll be here to the end

Take a look around you
What do you see?
I promise you always
Right here’s where I’ll be
Whenever you’re lonely
And you need a friend
Take comfort in me
I’ll be here to the end

Hey Dallas ^^ Shina here I'll be your reviewer for today. Okay I fixed the flow in the first stanza as well as the punctuation. I didn't have time to do the rest, but I think you get the idea. You should break up the conjunctions for the flow. The lack of syllables can ruin the flow in a poem. I added a few words and broke up a few things there. I wasn't able to get on to the rest of the poem because I skimmed through it and it looked like repitition of the first stanza. The idea is good, you just made it much too long. It's the same thing repeating over and over. You can only expand on a idea. You don't need to repeat the same idea, it doesn't emphasize anything.

Sorry I couldn't do a full length review xD Dinner is calling me.

~Shina

Feel free to PM me if you need any help or if you have any questions.

Excellent song! If I would be you I would name this song: " A Real Friend" or "Whenever you’re lonely". This song was awesome! Matter of fact this song reminds of the song: "Umbrella" By Rihanna.

But you should correct this part:

Take a look around you
What do you see?
I promise you always
Right here’s where I’ll e <------ I don't know what the e is for.

Anyways you deserve a star!